Clarinets

From Duke Band

We're the only section that dances in the stands. So we're automatically the coolest.

The clarinets are consistently the most baller and gung-ho section of the marching band, making us both gangster and cowboys. The clarinet as an instrument has a long and glorious history, which can be summed up by the following exchange:

Child: Mommy, what's that?

Mother: That's called a clarinet.

Child: Who invented it?

Mother: Angels did, sweetie.

A little closer to home, DUMB clarinets have been part of a secret infiltration of coolness into the band. In 2006-2007, they made that infiltration more publicly known in what has come to be known as the "Clarinet Revolution." The Revolution may have died with the passing (sometimes referred to as "graduating") of Jake Spinner, Dave Hall, Rebecca White, and "Mama" Cathy Johnson, but the symbols live on in our clarinet rituals.

[edit] Clarinet Outlaws and BAMFs, past and present

Currently, the clarinets have a number of sneaky, awesome, or sneaky-awesome people, including but not limited to:

• Katie "Provider of Libations" Lootens
• "Bubbles" Katie the Klepto, also a Drum Major
• Brian "has better attendance than God" Gold
• Alyson "puppet-master" Johnson
• Kelly "too cool for this continent" Racette
• Conrad "Smoother than Usher" Haynes

Memorable past clarinet BAMFs include:

• Brian "too many jokes for one nickname" Pierce
• Dave "Lone Ranger" Hall
• Rebecca "Dumpster Wedding" Winebar
• "Mama" Cathy Johnson, the only member of the band to graduate, come back, and still be considered awesome.

So if you want to dance, start revolutions, secretly control the band, all while keepin it classy, you should give up because it's too late to learn the clarinet.